It’s ‘OK’ to Set Boundaries

It’s ‘OK’ to Set Boundaries

In fact, it’s important to set boundaries. In this fast-paced, high-tech, ‘anyone can find you in an instant’ world, it’s more important than ever to set boundaries. I remember when I was a kid, I would pick up the phone, that was attached to our kitchen wall, and call my friends. If someone was home, they would answer the phone, and I would ask if my friend was available. If my friend was there, we would talk. If my friend wasn’t available, I would ask to leave a message to have them call me back. If no one answered, I would just try to call back later. We didn’t have answering machines, or voicemail, or phones that traveled with us for that matter!

Fast forward to the amazing power of ‘modern’ technology. It snuck up on us a bit. We got answering machines, so I could leave a message if no one was home, and then I could wait for a call back; if I wasn’t home when they called back, they could leave me a message! So cool. Right?! Then came the mobile phone. Not something that could fit in our pocket, but if we could afford them (and i could not) we could put them on the passenger seat of our car, or in our briefcase. Over time, mobile phones got smaller, and more affordable, and suddenly a lot of people had them. The primary purpose, however, was still to make phone calls; which we did, whenever we wanted to talk to one of our friends.

Fast forward again; these wondrous phones are now called ‘cell phones’…. and some are so amazing that they are called ’smart phones’! We have gone from using a phone on the wall, whenever we want to talk to our friends, to using a mini computer that we carry in our purse or pocket; ANYTIME we want to connect with someone. The funny thing is, the smart phone is primarily used to connect via text, twitter, Instagram, FaceBook, Snapchat and more …. AND when we do want to talk to our friends, we often schedule appointments via text as opposed to just picking up the phone and calling! I mean, it’s craziness!

I feel kind of bad for millennials at this point, because this crazy fast-paced world of technology is pretty much all they’ve known. They can’t occasionally look back at their youth and fondly remember the days of calling their friends and leaving a message with a real person, instead of a machine. They don’t remember that there was a calmer, simpler time, when we were in charge and in control of when we would call someone back, based on what we had going on in our life at that exact moment and time. We didn’t have ‘read receipts’ on the message we left, that would enable us to see when our friend was told that we called. We did not feel a quiet, hidden pressure to ‘call back immediately’, so that our friend wouldn’t think we were dissing them just because we wanted to take 60 minutes to have dinner with our family.

Maybe, however, maybe millennials are actually lucky. Maybe I’ve got this all wrong. Maybe, technology, and the fact that a large number of people can contact them simultaneously from multiple smart phone apps doesn’t bother them, because it’s all they’ve ever known? Maybe, but I think over time, they too will feel the effects of being reachable 24×7. Let’s check out some facts.

According to the American Institute of Stress (www.stress.org), 43% of all adults suffer adverse health effects due to stress and 80% of all visits to primary care physicians are due to stress-related problems. This is, at least in part, due to being ‘reachable’ 24×7. It’s ironic. Technology was going to make our lives easier. The washer, dryer, microwave oven, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner were all created with the goal of giving us more free time so we could spend more time and have more fun with our families. Over time, however, with the inception of pagers, laptops, smart-phones, and tablets, many employers can and often do, contact us ‘24×7′. Isn’t that funny, ‘24×7′ was not a buzz phrase when I was a kid, it developed over time, along with corporations ability to ‘be open’, and contact us ’24 x7’; all day, every day. In fact, when I was a kid, grocery stores closed at 6pm, department stores 9pm, many stores were closed on Sunday and if they did open it was from noon to 5pm. There was a definitive time for people to rest, to be with there family and to have fun. As I look back on my 52 years, I think the simpler world provided a better environment to achieve work/life balance. True, you couldn’t go shopping at 2am, but then again, you could sleep (because there wasn’t anything else to do), and sleep is an integral part of a healthy body and a healthy life. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my mac, iPhone, iPad, Snapchat, Instagram, FaceBook, and more, as much as the many of you. We’ve come a long way, and we can’t and shouldn’t go back. What we can and what we should do, however, is fight back a little to put a halt on the ‘crazy’ that all this technology has created; especially if the ‘crazy’ is impacting our overall health and well being.

This is where it becomes important to set personal boundaries, to ensure you have the time and space you need to recharge your batteries. If your family is the most important thing in your life, set boundaries that reflect that. Perhaps you’ll limit your career growth to a position that will not contact you outside of your agreed upon work hours. Maybe you’ll ask everyone to leave their smart phones in the other room at dinner time. Perhaps you won’t answer texts or return calls ASAP if you are in the middle of doing something you enjoy, something that brings you inner peace or rest and relaxation. There are so many inspirational phrases floating around the internet that basically mean – ‘take care of yourself first, because when you are healthy and happy, you can better help others’.

I can tell you, that working ‘24×7’ does not guarantee career growth. It does not guarantee you will continue to get promotions. It does guarantee you will miss time with your family, and it probably guarantees you will often be tired, and will potentially be one of the 80% going to your primary care physical with a stress related illness. Just something to think about.

Next blog, I’ll provide additional information related to the physical impacts on our bodies of being available ‘24×7’. Until then, start small…. set aside 5 minutes, and work your way up to 15 minutes and then 30 minutes – for yourself every day. Do what you want to do for that set amount of time. I suggest putting your phone in another room; unless your ‘me time’ includes an actually conversation using the phone app. Maybe you want to read a book, leaf through a magazine, study your bible, pray, meditate, take a warm bath. I’d love to hear some of your feedback, so please do let me know how it goes.

ttys ~ debbie